Handshakes at Sunrise

Is it giving its all to you?

 Cold blue fades into orange in you. Climbing the floor trying to make it last on our own, we drifted into a sea of Spanish moss. There’s a man in a brown jacket searching for me like a child for his dog. He whispers I’ll come back here again.

 Everything is fine. We won’t stop until the dawn is singing its song to you and my friend I’m afraid I’ve lost mine forever. I’ve gone the distance but I can’t find the passage you pointed out.

  The dawn is singing its song and you’re long gone too. It’s quiet for a moment and I can breathe again. The love in my palms. Replace the vessel with substance and prayer, but I ask who is replacing me?

  I won’t stop until the dawn is singing its song to you. I have to see your face before I put down these pills but then you demanded to know who is replacing me.

  I can’t make this last long enough to remember what it’s like to be here with you. I feel the haze growing and preparing to have me believe something that isn’t true. I can try to fight this out but time always wins.

  10 tabs of Ativan and I’ve disconnected from my head. My friend, help! Tell me I’ve done this before and that I’ll be fine one last time. Refusal and delusion seeking to bring back dead memories and find what I thought I could never reach. Swimming long across the channel, my senses pause when I recognize I’m alone. I’ll pull you in before you realize there’s been no change in me.

 Knowing all honesty is gone and integrity is fog I’m searching for a ghost. I feel like I’m loving the empty. I’m done breathing in my sleep but you shake me awake. You're inside my affairs and I killed myself the night before. What else is there to do?

 Now we’re hopelessly lost without a tree to find our way. I told you we shouldn’t stay, even if I feel the same. Let’s just walk and find our own way. 

 Walking through smoke until the sun comes up, I don’t want to dive in again. Shoot the man in the brown jacket and shake my hand at sunrise.